This is a quote that I absolutely hated when I was younger. I just could not understand the concept of being grateful for losing the person that you love. I was very young and naive back then…a huge fan of “true love”…a hopeless romantic. Now I’m older, wiser, and I have a bit more experience in that department. I have learned so many things in my 31 years of life that I feel like a completely different version of myself. Now I understand that quote, and even agree with it.
I have had two great loves in my life, and one unrequited love. The first one was when I was very young. I was so very in love that I couldn’t imagine being happy to have lost it. Well that love lasted a very long time, but it didn’t turn out the way that I wanted it to. It did produce my two beautiful children, so I will always appreciate everything about it…even the pain it has caused me over the years. There were many lessons learned from that love, and I’m honestly learning more and more everyday…years after it’s been over. He has turned into a person I could never imagine being with again, and sometimes I wonder how I could have ever loved him in the first place. My heart has turned cold to him and I doubt it will warm up again.
My unrequited love was interesting. He was younger than me, and not as experienced, but wise beyond his years. He is still in my life today, and I’m so very grateful for that. He broke my heart into pieces, but it wasn’t necessarily on purpose. He was just dealing with his own pain and wasn’t quite ready for what I wanted to share with him. The situation ended horribly, but again left me with so many lessons learned. The love I tried to share with him reached him, just not in the way that I wanted it to. What it did create was a life long friendship that I treasure deeply. Part of me will always love him, and always be afraid of the pain that could be caused by that love.
My last love was the big one. I think that I started to love him so very much simply because of how much he loved me. His love had to grow on me because it started when I was broken. I didn’t want to love him, didn’t want to be with him, yet somehow I ended up giving every part of me to him. It was shocking, intense, wonderful, scary and absolutely fantastic. This love unfortunately did not end well either. In fact, it did not end at all. The relationship is over, but the love will always be there. Love like that doesn’t just magically disappear. I truly believe that this type of love comes once in a lifetime, but not for everyone. Some people never find it. I was lucky enough to be loved unconditionally, and I honestly didn’t want to let it go. It was a choice of holding onto that love, or holding onto myself and my dignity. I chose me. I was very sad with this decision for a long time, but recently I’ve realized that I’m lucky. I now know what it’s like to feel love that is kind and true. I also know what it’s like to give that same love to the one that loves me. There is nothing like it in this world and I will forever appreciate it. This love may never find me again, and I can live with that. The lesson I learned from this love? It’s better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all…