Archive | August 2017

A Mother’s Love

I was just sitting here watching my two year old running around, getting that feeling that we get as parents watching our little ones live life. Thinking about how fast she’s grown, how much she’s learned and how truly amazing it is to create life. She is life number three for me. The third one to make it, not be created. My son is thirteen years old and as much as life is easier when they get older, it becomes more stressful and worrisome. High school is an important time because a lot of decisions about the rest of their lives are made there whether they realize it or not. He could meet his future wife soon, he will be in college in four years, he could have kids of his own ten years from now. All of these things are truly amazing and horrifying at the same time.

We all have hopes and dreams for our children, but they never really do what we want them to do. Lol. I am actually alright with that though. If my kids become morally sound adults that make a good living and are truly happy, I will feel like my life has meaning. I created people who made their little part of the world a better place, and who knows the amount of people they will affect along the way. Having children to me is how we get to live forever. We create generations of people and teach them the rights and wrongs of life and then hand the world over to them.

We also unfortunately hand them over to the rest of the world. They gain their freedom to completely make their own decisions, and we unfortunately have to watch all the mistakes and just try to help and be that constant in their lives that subconsciously allows them to make goals and achieve them. Lets teach our little ones that they are beautifully amazing, intelligent people who can get what they want out of life if they work hard for it. Then lets remember to teach them how to work hard, smart or both so they can have the lives we could never give ourselves.

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Finding Love

They say when we find the one we will just know. Everything will just seem right. The relationship will be perfect, you will never even have an argument. Blah blah blah. They should have just told us the truth from the beginning. Yes, love is wonderful. Sometimes you are even lucky enough to just know when you’ve found that one person to love forever. You could even get a few months of bliss out of it in the beginning, but love is no fairy tale. It’s hard. Stressful. Exhilarating. Dramatic. Heart stopping. Electrifying. The list goes on and on. The point is, love is WORK.

I have found the man that I want to spend the rest of my life with. He is everything I didn’t even know I wanted in a man with a few extra bonuses. So why do I find myself being mad at him allllll the time. I laugh while I’m writing this because it is as true as it is not. He has his flaws, as we all do, and I have mine. I even find myself mad about things that came up in past relationships, I just realize that this time I’m willing to do absolutely everything I can to figure out why and fix it. I don’t want to leave, or start over with someone else, or take a break, or even be alone. I want him. I love him. I cannot imagine a world that he does not exist. Feeling this way I still wonder how it can work sometimes. Life can get in the way of such beautiful things at times, and we take them for granted.

I guess I am writing this for multiple reasons. I needed to get my own thoughts and feelings out in a healthy way, but also felt the need to let someone read this that maybe needed to. I made a promise to spend the rest of my life with this man. We aren’t married yet but the promise was still made. That means you stick around. You can be angry, upset, frustrated, confused, even hurt. But you stay. Talk it out, cry it out, hell yell it out. Take kickboxing, go jogging, find a relationship or marriage counselor, just find activities to let out frustrations so that you can calmly come back to each other and remember all the love that is there between you. When it is the right person, the hard work is worth it.

There are scary relationships out there with people getting truly hurt and losing their lives. Those aren’t the ones I’m talking about. If you find yourself in a situation like one of those the best thing for you is to get out. It could possibly be one of the most difficult things you have ever had to do, but it is going to end up being the best thing you do for yourself, and if you have any children them too.

If you find yourself up late like me frustrated and needing an outlet, send me a comment. If not, send me one anyway! Goodnight WordPress.

Blogging About Needing to Blog

Hello world. It’s me again. Always running back here when I feel the need to release so many things in so many ways and not really knowing how to do it. I’ve allowed the emotions to build up so much that they are now this mountain that I can’t see over or around, in the way of everything I am trying to accomplish. I just keep telling myself that the bad parts of life are there to make the good times feel even better. So I put my head down and live life day by day, trying to do the right things to bring on some good times.

Not that my life is all bad. I have three beautiful children that I love very much, a fiancee that i will love until the day i die, a job, and other aspects of my life that have recently changed for the better. I have learned to find the light in all the darkness so that i don’t get sucked too far in. I’m sure it’s not just me, but sometimes I feel like that darkness could swallow me whole. Sometimes I want to let it. Fortunately I’ve never been the type to go down without a fight. So today I’ve decided to fight with words. Here. Among others who may feel the same or have felt the same at one time. I haven’t been able to write a thing in years, but maybe writing this can spark something inside of me that will bring me right back here tomorrow. I’ve missed this. I’ve missed you.