Just Friends…

If I knew then what I know now, things would probably be different. I wanted your heart, I wanted your love, I wanted your affection. I gave you all of that from me and was met with rejection. I was angry, I was hurt, I didn’t understand. How could you not want what I was giving so willingly. I wanted you and you wanted to be “just friends.”

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At the time I figured I would take whatever I could get, I didn’t realize exactly what you meant. What you really meant was “I don’t know what I want” or maybe “I don’t want you right now” or possibly “Give me some time”. I was older so I should have realized, you were just as distraught and confused as I was. You were stressed and just needed someone to depend on, whether you realized it or not. I was hurt and needed someone to love me. The very thing I needed from you was the only thing you couldn’t give me. But I demanded it. I wanted it and needed it and was going to get it at all costs. I was fighting a losing battle.

We ended in disaster before we even had a chance to begin. Why couldn’t I just give you your friend? The time we had will always be cherished and remembered, but it will also be tainted. You and I both walked away with pain and tears. It didn’t have to be that way. We were the true definition of what happens when a tornado meets a volcano. The best thing we could do is learn the lesson life taught us from each other and hope for the best. You were my friend, and I was yours. You were my lover, but I needed so much more. You never wanted the attachment that I created, and now I understand why. You just didn’t realize that I knew I could live without you, I just didn’t want to.

What I want you to know is that my love for you was true. You were one of the best men to walk into my life, and you never made it to being my boyfriend. I would have done anything and everything to be that one girl for you. I’m sorry for the pain I caused and the path of destruction I left behind. If I could go back and make changes I would. But life isn’t about living with regret, it’s about gaining knowledge. What I learned is that when a person says he wants to be just friends, maybe I should listen. My heart will always be big enough to have you in it, no matter where life takes me. I am now and forever your friend, and I know you are mine.

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