Archive | December 2012

My Twin

I just love her so much that I had to blog about her. Now she may not be my sister in the traditional ways, but she is my sister in all the ways that count. I’ve never called anyone in my life my twin before, simply because it’s rare for me to meet someone that is so much like me.Snapshot_20121219_27When I first met her I didn’t make any efforts to be her friend, and too late now I realize that’s valuable time we didn’t get because of me. It’s ok because we have more than made up for lost time and now she’s stuck with me forever!! When the connection was finally made it didn’t take me long to realize that when I looked at her all I saw was me!! We started saying the same stuff at the same time, realized we danced alike, realized we love all the same stuff, some people even think we look alike.

I am a firm believer in soul mates, but not in the traditional sense. When I was younger I believed that a soul mate was the one person you are supposed to be in a committed relationship with for the rest of your life. Experience has taught me otherwise. Your soul mate can be male or female, friend or lover. Well I have found mine. The only person I need to be when I’m around her is me. That is one of the most fascinating, freeing feelings in the world. I don’t have to hide or be shy or put on a filter for being afraid of offending someone. She understands me without me saying a word. She’s probably already thinking what I’m thinking. LOL.

Twin, I will be leaving soon. So my message to you is always remember there is someone out there feeling how you are feeling, seeing what you are seeing, and thinking what you are thinking. Soul mates belong together for life, so even though I’ll be miles away, I will be your friend and twin until the end of time. I love you!!

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The Virgo in Me

Astrology. This is a subject that can get many different reactions from people these days. There are some that think it’s all lies and a guessing game, others that will tell you they live their daily lives according to their horoscope, and there is the group that will tell you they know nothing at all about astrology. I have been all three of those. But being the person that I am (Virgo and all) I just had to see for myself and make my own decision about what I was going to believe.

After me and my ex husband separated I went on a journey of self realization. I wanted to know everything I could about me and my inner workings. Part of that journey was finding everything I could about my sign, Virgo. What I found shocked me a lot because it turned out that about 85-90% of what is written about Virgos is also very true for me.

Not every book, website or article will say the exact same thing about Virgos, but the common factors are unmistakable. Virgo is ruled by Mercury, along with Gemini. We are also an element of earth and are always described as mutable. We are always described as loyal, critical, perfectionists, worry worts, fact finders, over thinkers, health conscious, dependable, reliable, practical, sharp minded, shy, introverted, outspoken when it comes to right and wrong, and many other things.

dep_4841554-Virgo-Astrological-SignI have also met some other Virgos recently that are exactly like me in so many ways that it’s scary. What I’ve read about “the Virgin” is practically spot on when it comes to me. I’ve decided that even though astrology should not rule my life, it definitely helped me figure out so many things about myself and even how to deal with others. I now know why I tend to obsess over every little detail of something before I make a decision about it. Or why I just need to know everything about EVERYTHING! Lol. Most people never understand me when I tell them I have a difficult time sleeping at night because my mind just never shuts up. If I’m emotionally wounded as soon as I lay down to sleep my mind will jump right to the problem at hand and go over about 100 different scenarios of how it was supposed to turn out and why it didn’t turn out that way. Then I obsess over the mistakes that I made in the situation and how I could have done things better.

There have been many times where I found myself in a situation where I had a problem already solved in my head and knew exactly what steps everybody needed to take to resolve it. Only when I gave my idea nobody listened to me. So then I would sit back and watch chaos ensue knowing it all could have been avoided. What usually happens is they end up figuring out how to solve the problem…and it’s EXACTLY what I already told them should be done. That can be so frustrating sometimes. Am I the only one that goes through things like this?

Recently I found myself angry at how I give my whole heart in a relationship and always wind up shattered and devastated. I’ve been told by a friend recently that even the bible says to guard your heart. I don’t know how to guard my heart and be myself at the same time. I’ve always had a very giving, loving, nurturing spirit inside of me and I can sometimes feel like I’m drowning if I can’t share that with others. Well this is also another character trait of the Virgo. We are natural helpers and cannot actually feel normal if we’re not doing everything we can to help the people we love. When we love, we love with our whole hearts because we think that’s the most pure form of love. I’ve always been a believer that you either love me unconditionally or don’t love me at all.

The Virgo is the only astrological sign that is represented by a female. That being said, I would say we are the most emotional of all the zodiacs, even though a lot of people will never see that side of us. The people that never get to work their way into my heart tend to think I’m a cold, mean person. I don’t think I’m mean, I just think that sometimes I feel like I’m spread so thin caring about so many different people that I just don’t have any space for anybody new. Balance is something that has always been important to me, and usually other Virgos are the same way. I’ve read that most of a Virgo’s emotional turmoil is from always trying to control the chaos in and around us. Usually chaos comes in when we let outside forces throw us off balance and are left alone to pick up the pieces.

I guess the point of this blog is to try to make as many Virgos as well informed about yourselves as I am about myself. I think knowing that you aren’t the only one out there going through things, and that perhaps you aren’t alone in your struggles may make life easier on all of us. Also getting a little insight into the parts of your personality that you don’t understand or can’t see will always help you greatly improve any flaws you may be trying to correct about yourself. Overall I just want to say that I could definitely be considered a “typical Virgo” and I’m a lot to deal with. Even if many of the things I say or think are right, I need to give others time to catch up to me and figure out things on their own. Just because my mind works at a mile a minute that doesn’t mean everyone else’s does.

So tell me, are there any other Virgos out there that have all these crazy little quirks that drive you crazy? Or maybe you’re driving the people around you crazy? Or maybe they are driving you crazy? LOL. Whatever the situation is, even if you’re just reading this for fun, I hope you are more enlightened than you were ten minutes ago!

The Walking Dead

Hello again everyone. My mind has been racing since watching the mid-season finale of AMC’s The Walking Dead. This is probably my favorite television show out right now, and I’m going a bit insane waiting for February 10th to roll around! If you are a fan of the show then you know what I’m talking about. We were left with a cliff-hanger that has all Daryl Dixon fans shaking in our boots!

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Let me rewind a bit…back to the days of me hoping and praying this new AMC show would at least keep me moderately entertained. What a laugh. I didn’t know what I was getting myself into when I started watching TWD. It turned out to be a show with awesome actors, a great storyline, and no fear. All three very important factors in making great tv. Every week I felt like I was watching the continuation of a really awesome movie. I was biting my nails, shaking my leg and praying for my fave Daryl every single week.

Three seasons later I find myself doing the same thing. So what do the writers decide to do? End the mid-season finale with the cliff hanger of the century!! Not only do they kill off two major characters, but everybody’s favorite Daryl’s life hangs in the balance and we have to wait until February to find out what happens! Well I will say this, the very things that make me hate the writers of the show are the same things that make me love them. I’m pretty sure they aren’t dumb enough to kill Daryl right now, but they are fearless enough to put his life in danger and make the fans wait months to find out his fate.

So now I sit here watching and re-watching the first 27 episodes of TWD, wondering how I’m going to make it all the way to February 10th. I’m practically foaming at the mouth searching the web for any spoilers I can find…probably the biggest mistake I’ve made thus far. Why? Because I found the first 63 seconds of February 10th’s episode and all it did was put me in more suspense than I was before. Uggh!

Are you a Walking Dead fan? If so, who is your favorite character? Is that person still alive? Have you read the comic? That’s my next move. To find and read all the comics to get my weekly fill of my favorite show.

Broken hearted once again…

Thought it would last forever? Never thought it would be like this? Wish you could go back and change just one thing?

If you’ve ever asked yourself any of those questions than you know exactly how I feel right now. Me and my now ex-boyfriend had one of the worst break-ups you could possibly imagine, so now begins the mourning phase. I have cried, texted, facebooked, cried, laughed, cried, raged, cried journaled, and cried some more. My friends have rallied for me like the wonderful people they are, so now I feel the next healthy thing way to mourn the end of my relationship is to blog.

It’s not that I wanted to break up, but have you ever felt like the other person just didn’t give you any other choice? I mean I tried everything I could think of to make it work, but one person a relationship does not make. It takes two to tango and my other half just wasn’t putting in the effort. So I left. Packed up all my things and moved out. Now I live with a good friend in a new town and I’m attempting to start a new life. Make better goals and try to achieve them as quickly as possible. Trying to stay busy and doing every single thing I can not to think about HIM.

Have any of you ever gone through this? How did you cope day to day? What can I do to make my days easier? My fall back plan is always to work as much as possible, try to stay on the phone with loved ones, watch movies, don’t listen to any music, and keep my sanity. But there are always those moments when there is nothing on tv, nobody is awake to talk to, and you just can’t go to sleep. Those are the crying moments. So as I shed more tears I ask, is there a right way to deal with it? Is there a wrong way?

Please do not misunderstand this blog. I am a strong, independent woman. But I’m also human, and I gave my heart to someone thinking he would treasure it forever. Things don’t always work out the way we want them to…broken heart