Trayvon Martin verdict

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Let me first begin by stating that no matter what happened on that fateful day, Trayvon’s death is a tragedy. There are many people out there with the statement “get over it” or “move on” or even the shameless “black kids are murdered everyday, so what’s the big deal?” To these statements I think the people saying them should truly be ashamed of themselves. Every senseless death is a tragedy to the families of the people that they happen to, and to say any of those things regarding the loss of a person’s loved one is insensitive, rude and disrespectful. To any family that has lost a person senselessly and tragically my heart goes out to you. I apologize for the ignorant thoughts and words that come from some of the people that live in this country, but there are still people out here that care.

Now as for the verdict in the case against George Zimmerman, I think our country and the state of Florida should be ashamed of the laws they have set in place that says a person can murder another person and get off scott free because they claim self defense. I would also like to add that as minorities we have the tendency to not register to vote, and if we are registered we still don’t get out and take advantage of our opportunities to vote. I feel that voting would have put the correct people in place to avoid situations like this from happening.

The facts are as follows: George Zimmerman stalked and profiled Trayvon Martin, the police told Zimmerman that he was not to follow Trayvon, Trayvon did not have any weapons on him, Trayvon did not have any stolen property or drugs on him, Zimmerman lied repeatedly about the events surrounding the shooting, the prosecution did not know what they were doing and destroyed the case, Trayvon was wearing a hoodie simply because it was raining outside, the police department waited three days to tell Trayvon’s father that he was killed even though they knew the same day it happened, Zimmerman created the situation that he put himself in when he needed to defend himself, and this country has failed Trayvon Martin and his family.

One thing that many people don’t understand is if the situation had happened in any number of other states, Zimmerman would be in jail for life. Unfortunately it happened in a state that gives people a license to kill at will. If we are to get any messages across, they should be positive ones. Have peaceful rallies, move your children to a neighborhood they can feel safe in, talk with your children about this situation and what can be done to stop things like this from happening in the future, register to vote, get out and vote when the opportunity comes, boycott Florida, and please don’t make the situation worse with violence.

I have been sick to my stomach about Zimmerman being a free man, but I am a believer in karma. I don’t think that his life will ever be the same, and there won’t be many places he can go in this country that will allow him to be happy. Justice will be delivered to him through the karma he put out by taking the life of an innocent child. If you cannot have faith in anything else, have faith in that.

Lost Love

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This is a quote that I absolutely hated when I was younger. I just could not understand the concept of being grateful for losing the person that you love. I was very young and naive back then…a huge fan of “true love”…a hopeless romantic. Now I’m older, wiser, and I have a bit more experience in that department. I have learned so many things in my 31 years of life that I feel like a completely different version of myself. Now I understand that quote, and even agree with it.

I have had two great loves in my life, and one unrequited love. The first one was when I was very young. I was so very in love that I couldn’t imagine being happy to have lost it. Well that love lasted a very long time, but it didn’t turn out the way that I wanted it to. It did produce my two beautiful children, so I will always appreciate everything about it…even the pain it has caused me over the years. There were many lessons learned from that love, and I’m honestly learning more and more everyday…years after it’s been over. He has turned into a person I could never imagine being with again, and sometimes I wonder how I could have ever loved him in the first place. My heart has turned cold to him and I doubt it will warm up again.

My unrequited love was interesting. He was younger than me, and not as experienced, but wise beyond his years. He is still in my life today, and I’m so very grateful for that. He broke my heart into pieces, but it wasn’t necessarily on purpose. He was just dealing with his own pain and wasn’t quite ready for what I wanted to share with him. The situation ended horribly, but again left me with so many lessons learned. The love I tried to share with him reached him, just not in the way that I wanted it to. What it did create was a life long friendship that I treasure deeply. Part of me will always love him, and always be afraid of the pain that could be caused by that love.

My last love was the big one. I think that I started to love him so very much simply because of how much he loved me. His love had to grow on me because it started when I was broken. I didn’t want to love him, didn’t want to be with him, yet somehow I ended up giving every part of me to him. It was shocking, intense, wonderful, scary and absolutely fantastic. This love unfortunately did not end well either. In fact, it did not end at all. The relationship is over, but the love will always be there. Love like that doesn’t just magically disappear. I truly believe that this type of love comes once in a lifetime, but not for everyone. Some people never find it. I was lucky enough to be loved unconditionally, and I honestly didn’t want to let it go. It was a choice of holding onto that love, or holding onto myself and my dignity. I chose me. I was very sad with this decision for a long time, but recently I’ve realized that I’m lucky. I now know what it’s like to feel love that is kind and true. I also know what it’s like to give that same love to the one that loves me. There is nothing like it in this world and I will forever appreciate it. This love may never find me again, and I can live with that. The lesson I learned from this love? It’s better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all…

Just Friends…

If I knew then what I know now, things would probably be different. I wanted your heart, I wanted your love, I wanted your affection. I gave you all of that from me and was met with rejection. I was angry, I was hurt, I didn’t understand. How could you not want what I was giving so willingly. I wanted you and you wanted to be “just friends.”

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At the time I figured I would take whatever I could get, I didn’t realize exactly what you meant. What you really meant was “I don’t know what I want” or maybe “I don’t want you right now” or possibly “Give me some time”. I was older so I should have realized, you were just as distraught and confused as I was. You were stressed and just needed someone to depend on, whether you realized it or not. I was hurt and needed someone to love me. The very thing I needed from you was the only thing you couldn’t give me. But I demanded it. I wanted it and needed it and was going to get it at all costs. I was fighting a losing battle.

We ended in disaster before we even had a chance to begin. Why couldn’t I just give you your friend? The time we had will always be cherished and remembered, but it will also be tainted. You and I both walked away with pain and tears. It didn’t have to be that way. We were the true definition of what happens when a tornado meets a volcano. The best thing we could do is learn the lesson life taught us from each other and hope for the best. You were my friend, and I was yours. You were my lover, but I needed so much more. You never wanted the attachment that I created, and now I understand why. You just didn’t realize that I knew I could live without you, I just didn’t want to.

What I want you to know is that my love for you was true. You were one of the best men to walk into my life, and you never made it to being my boyfriend. I would have done anything and everything to be that one girl for you. I’m sorry for the pain I caused and the path of destruction I left behind. If I could go back and make changes I would. But life isn’t about living with regret, it’s about gaining knowledge. What I learned is that when a person says he wants to be just friends, maybe I should listen. My heart will always be big enough to have you in it, no matter where life takes me. I am now and forever your friend, and I know you are mine.

Alone

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Alone does not seem so bad when the world has done you so wrong. I think this time alone is exactly where I need to be. All the trust is in me. If I fail this time there is nobody to blame but myself. I have gone through life hurt and angry at the people I’ve allowed to treat me badly, but this time I would like to say thank you. Thank you for giving me the chance to be alone.

Alone is how we are born and alone is how we die. Alone gives me a chance to think, a chance to reminisce, a chance to cry. Alone allows me to dance around my living room without worrying about who is watching, and then fall down laughing at my own joy.

I don’t always want to be alone, but when I am I end up grateful. I have found me. The true me. And I love everything I have turned out to be. She is fantastic, she is beautiful, she is funny. She is learning how to enjoy the things that were overlooked and ignored when she wasn’t alone. She is smiling, she is happy, she is me.

Alone does not seem so bad when the world has done you so wrong, because you learn how to turn all that wrong into exactly right. Alone is where I want to be.

Coming to My Senses

I don’t know what took me so long to realize that I deserve more. Better. I realized it enough to leave, but not enough to stop caring. Well now I’ve come to my senses! Say what you want, do what you will…because at the end of the day I know I tried. I was wonderful and you just weren’t. I was loyal and you were lazy. I was devoted and you were ungrateful. Now you are her problem, and I’m laughing. She now has what I ran away from and I wish her nothing but luck, because she is going to need it. The day will come when you realize what I have known all along, I’m an awesome woman and you were lucky to ever have me. Deuces.

Trouble

Every time I’m going through something in my life, a song comes out that seems like it was made just for me. Well the song of the moment for me is I Knew You Were Trouble by Taylor Swift. As much as I love my ex, I definitely knew he was going to be trouble the moment he told me he wanted to be more than friends.

TROUBLE WITH TROUBLEWhy do we do these things to ourselves? We see trouble coming from a mile away and say, this time it will be different. Or, he may have been trouble before but not with me. Are we lying to ourselves on purpose or are we just in denial? My particular trouble was a lot of intense, passionate fun mixed with turmoil and aggravation. I thought I could be the one to make him better. I was gonna be the one to get him to see what life is all about. In the end I just worked really hard to break my own heart right from the beginning. Lesson learned. I knew he was trouble when he walked in…did you?

Letter to love

This is something that I wrote a couple of years ago that I think is appropriate for the way I’ve been feeling lately…hope you like it!

 

Dear Love,
 
I have always been good to you. I’ve always done what you needed. So why is it that when I need you the most, you cannot be here with me? I need you love, more than I’ve ever needed you before. I was searching for you even when I didn’t know you existed, and I found you once. That once was such a long time ago that you snuck away when I wasn’t paying attention. I’ve been searching for you ever since.
 
See love, things have never been easy for me. But for some reason I am filled with you, overwhelmed by you, and feel like I will not be complete without you. I can be content without you, I will actually be fine without you, but I don’t want to be content and fine. I want to be happy. I want to wake up in the morning smiling because I know that love is beside me. I want to wake up in your arms and hold you tight. I want to kiss you, I want to hug you, I want to laugh with you and cry with you, I want to make you, love.
 
So I ask, one more time, will you come and find me love? Will you seek me out and realize that I deserve the things I desire? Most people wish for money, fame, beauty, talent, and many other things, but I wish for you. See because I know with all of my heart that when we find each other, love, we can create our own fame and fortune, and we are already beautiful and talented. Together we are a force and we are unstoppable. I love you love, so why can’t you just love me back?